i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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