Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
