im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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