i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
