and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
