Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
