In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
