I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
