saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
