I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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