You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
