Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
