i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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