hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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