you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
