so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
