Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
