my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
