fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
