I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
