Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
