Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
