he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
