it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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