I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
