my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need moral support for this bender
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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