Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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