Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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