how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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