Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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