never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
