this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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