Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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