I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
