im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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