dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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