i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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