a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
