you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
