I like to think it a success when the cops are called
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
