i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My liver just had a heart attack.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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