I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
