Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
