My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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