The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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