I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
