You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
