How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
