Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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