dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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