One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
zippers are such a cool invention
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
