dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
