Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
