Can i not drive my cunt home
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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