he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
