tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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