So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
