He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
