Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
