Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize