Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
