so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
